Jan 31, 2016

phases, aesthetics, fate and an onion metaphor

Ft. Kreayshawn, fruit, lisa frank stickers. Took me 3 hours to make so pls appreciate

So I like colourful stickers. I also like the colour black. I want to go outside for brunch or whatever people do. I also want to stay inside eating fruit and finishing animal puzzles. I love being around people - I feed off other's energy. I also love spending time with myself and charging my batteries with my own energy. I love the seaside and beaches and them standard 'summer vibes'. I hate sun, unnecessary sweating, and sand. I love that  I-could-crush-you-with-my-fist-and-eat-cigarettes-for-breakfast aesthetic, but I cannot commit to the rest of the aesthetic (constantly thinking, acting and feeling satanic). I want to work hard to reach my goals, but I also want to laze and sleep for a thousand years. I love myself and I hate myself.

I am so full of contradictions, phases and sides, it's just so hard to commit to 1 aesthetic. Where does MY aesthetic fit in the spectrum of labels? Earthy punk-space mellow pale glitter pop sparkle edgy chill free-spirited gothic-puppy bubblegum intergalactic plant-goddess? Imagine me trying to fill out an 'about me' form... Most of the time my brain winds around and around, then settling for a mediocre 'I like cheese.' I have so many more interests than just cheese, but strangers will see that element as the deciding factor of my whole being.

And first impressions count, right? They're kind of like a key to opportunity, people, life paths, etc. Your aesthetic will subconsciously attract certain people (or fend off / weedle out certain people) into your life sphere, crossing into your path. Fate is a magic spell, but you control the incantation. No matter how much of our daily interactions rely on coincidence and chanced happenings, you control what you wear, what you believe in, your favourite colour, your opinions on tomato soup, what you eat, what you buy, your preferences, taste - your aesthetic. As clunky and cliche the word is, it plays such a large role in defining you. It's not completely you, don't worry, nothing is ever completely and concisely 1 individual, because human brilliance is too beautiful and vast to be summed up like so, but it still impacts a large part of you.

Just like you grow and develop and change, so does your aesthetic. You may even have phases that last for a few days! With this dynamical nature in mind, it is now understandable that one's aesthetic can actually overlap and mesh. Take a look at your wardrobe. Get a feel for the general theme. Are there items that don't really fit with the theme, or are their own category, but you keep them anyway? Case closed, congratulations, you are a human! You are alive and dynamic, and so is your aesthetic.

I would also like to point out that all those phases you drifted away from are still you, still part of you, albeit a dormant section of you. For example, what you consider your 'twelvie phase' hasn't and can't be erased from the past, that is permanently part of your history. Think of it as an onion, I suppose. At the very core is a tiny little part thing. As you go further away from the core, the layers become progressively larger, having to cover and build over what is already there. Similarly, in terms of your phases and drifting aesthetics, you grow. You never forget the core. It's a part of you. You can't forget the middle layers, there is no such onion with a missing middle layer. What you were shapes what you are and what you will be. An onion.

So throughout the process of writing this piece, I have come to accept that I don't have a set aesthetic, and that is ok. (actually very therapeutic process so thankyou for reading and giving me this opportunity to share my feelings).

What a lovely ending! I hope school starts with the same mood...

Space stickers & twizzler sticks,

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Hey pals :-)
please share nice words only, the world is already dark enough